We all need confidence to live in today’s world. A feeling of confidence helps us live the life we want to live. So what happened to your confidence?
Has it evaporated into cyber space completely or do you have moments when you do feel confident?
Confidence comes from having a good self esteem. If you have low self esteem it can seriously interfere with your quality of life.
Your self esteem begins to develop in childhood and is learned from the significant people in your life i.e. parents, grand-parents, siblings, teachers and friends etc.
Your temperament is mostly inherited. Your temperament may influence the way you view the world and yourself. But the actual thoughts and beliefs that you have about yourself and which contribute to your self esteem are largely learned.
This is good because self esteem is something that can be re-learned.
Low self esteem does not mean that you are no good, it means that your learning experience was a negative one. Often parents and teachers are unaware of the debilitating effects that their constant criticism can have on your developing self esteem.
Sometimes those nearest to you also have low self esteem. They may feel inferior about themselves which can be destructive and defensive in relationship with you. They may put you down or expect unrealistic expectations of perfectionism in you.
I remember listening to Barbara Streisand being interviewed. She had a very low self esteem as a child which dogged her adult life as well.
She said that as an adult she confronted her mother and asked her why had she not had any praise or encouragement as a child. And her mother had replied ” Because I did not want you to get a swelled head.”
Of course Barbara did not get a swelled head but what she did get was an incredibly low self esteem and many years of psychotherapy.
Low self esteem is learned by repeated negative experiences of failure which lead to a lack of confidence.
If you have low self esteem and low confidence you will need to relearn what was instilled in you as a child. You will have to change your negative thoughts.
The first thing you will need to do is to is to make the decision that you do want to change. And that means taking action
Begin your journey to a healthy self esteem and confident self by applying The Five Freedoms from Virginia Satir’s book, Making Contact.
Here are the 5 Freedoms
1) The freedom to see and hear what is there instead of what should be, was, or will be.
2) The freedom to say what one feels and thinks instead of what one should.
3) The freedom to feel what one feels instead of what one ought.
4) The freedom to ask for what one wants instead of always waiting for permission.
5) The freedom to take risks on one’s own behalf instead of choosing to be only ‘secure’ and not rocking the boat.
You can begin to build a strong self esteem and gain self confidence if you attend to these 5 freedoms.
Believe in yourself, believe you have value not for what you do but for who are, and challenge your negative thoughts, turn them around and make them positive.
You have the power within you to change.