In parenting, and in life in general, making mistakes is an inevitable part of the journey.
Like most moms, I’ve made parenting mistakes in the past, and forgiving myself hasn’t always come easy. In fact, it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
Like many, I often reflect on certain stages of my child’s life, thinking… I could’ve done better. There were times when I could’ve been more patient with my child. There were times when I could’ve listened more, instead of giving my motherly advice—the list goes on and on. Sometimes, I look back on these moments with grace and self-compassion. And sometimes, I look back with guilt and shame—it usually just depends on the day.
Growing up, many of us were taught to show kindness and empathy towards others. But the truth is, sometimes we’re the ones who need our understanding the most.
In this article, we’ll discuss a few ways we can make peace with our past parenting mistakes, and continue moving forward in the happiness we deserve.
Admit Your Parenting Mistakes
The first step towards making peace with your past parenting mistakes is to admit where you’ve fallen short. Perhaps you lost your temper in the past, didn’t spend enough quality time with your child, or feel as though you didn’t challenge your child to their fullest potential. Whatever the case may be, be honest with yourself about your feelings. Don’t pretend the difficult moments from your past didn’t occur—accept them. When you can graciously admit what you think you did wrong, you can give yourself the kindness and support to do better going forward.
The truth is, parenting comes with highs, lows, and everything in between. And many of the mistakes we make along the way are just that… MISTAKES. Beating ourselves up over the choices we’ve made in the past won’t do us (nor our children) any good. Instead, we must be willing to be honest about our shortcomings, so we can work towards forming better habits and new behaviors in the future.
Focus on the Lesson, Not Just the Parenting Mistake
Making mistakes as a parent, or in any area of life, isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, it’s actually one of the best ways to learn. Think about the mistakes you’ve made outside of parenting. What did those mistakes teach you? How did they help make you better or stronger going forward? When we shift our focus from the mistakes we’ve made to the lessons we’ve learned in life—we make room for healing, growth, and forgiveness to take root.
The truth is, the perfect mom does not exist (trust me, I’ve tried!). So, just focus on being the best mom you can be. The key is to forget about perfection, learn from your mistakes, and embrace the journey of getting better every day!
When we shift our focus from the mistakes we’ve made to the lessons we’ve learned in life—we make room for healing, growth, and forgiveness to take root.
Celebrate The Things You’ve Done Right as a Parent
I’ve re-lived the things I’ve done wrong as a mom more times than I can count. But when I really think about it, there are a lot of things I’ve done right. And I’m sure the same goes for many of you.
As you reflect on your parenting journey, don’t forget to celebrate yourself for the big and small ways you show up for your family every single day. As moms, we’re often our own harshest critics. It’s often easier for us to condemn ourselves for the mistakes we make, than to celebrate ourselves for the sacrificial love and effort we put into our families. But celebrating ourselves is an important part of self-care.
The truth is, making peace with your past parenting mistakes doesn’t just start with accepting your weaknesses; it starts with recognizing your strengths. Because when you truly know your value as a mom, you’ll find it easier to forgive yourself when you’re not perfect!
45 responses to “Parenting Mistakes: How to Make Peace with the Past”
This is such a good article. It’s easy to be hard on yourself as a parent!
Glad you enjoyed it, Sandy!
Making mistakes in parenting is normal,but we shouldn’t make intentional ones. We should learn to make peace with the past parenting mistakes.
Thanks for sharing your feedback, Lydiah. It’s a matter of the heart. When we understand that our mistakes are not intentional, we should practice self-compassion and strive to continue growing.
I had a very stressful year with baby number two and toddler. Focus on the lesson was a key for me. Thank you for the useful tips. Motherhood is a challenging experience.
Focusing on the lessons is definitely the key, Olga. The infant and toddler stages can be extremely tough to navigate. Wishing you all the best!
I 100% agree that making mistakes is part of life. Yes, parents make mistakes but the thing is, they have our good intentions at heart. Thanks for sharing your experiences as well.
Well stated, Hari. It’s so important to have grace towards ourselves, and our own parents.
Self-compassion for parenting mistakes is so important. No one is perfect
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Deanne. No one is perfect, indeed.
These are some great tips! Thanks for sharing.
Glad to hear that you enjoyed it, Nicole!
This is such a grace filled post and I’m sure many many parents appreciate your words 🙂
Thanks, Shelby!
I like how you mentioned to talk about your shortcomings. Our kids need to know that we are only human, and we make mistakes. Good post!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Ann! It’s important that our children understand that we’re only human. It also teaches them how to have grace and self-compassion towards themselves when they make their own mistakes.
Absolutely! I think all moms can relate. Thanks so much for this post. It’s a good reminder to give ourselves grace.
Glad you enjoyed it, Gina!
Great suggestions. As the mom of 7 I sure can relate!
Seven?! I salute you, Stephanie! Lol… Thanks for reading. 😉💛
I feel like I screwed up so badly with my children when they were young, but as adults, we all couldn’t be closer. As parents, we must give ourselves some grace and understand that we do our best with what we have at the time.
Agreed, Susan. And glad to hear that you and your children have a great relationship!
Thank you. I needed this today. It is hard to not dwell on mistakes but parenting is definitely a learning journey.
A learning journey, indeed. Hang in there, Hilary!
Becoming a parent is a lifetime responsibility and it takes a lot of realization and encouragement to do better each day. Thank you for sharing such a good piece!
Well stated, Leslie… my pleasure!
I’ve found that the hardest thing as a mother is forgiving myself for past mistakes, or at least trying to forget the mistakes. Thanks for your post as a reminder to focus on the positive things.
My pleasure, Catherine. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I felt all of this! Thanks so much for writing!
My pleasure, Sarah. Glad it resonated with you.
Great suggestions. Thanks for this post.
Such great reminders
It’s so important to remember that nobody teaches you how to be a parent – everyone is just trying to do his/her best 🙂
Guilty. I always think I should be/ could be doing better. Nice article.
I love this article and appreciate your compassionate, kind and graceful recommendations for parents.
I have learned to forgive myself. I’m only human. The important thing is to learn from past mistakes so I can become a better parent.
Love this article ❤️
It’s a learning lesson for parents and children, but I am one-sided because I see so many examples of neglect where parents seem to forgive themselves for seemingly unforgivable vacations.
On point, you are right, I think forgiving ourselves is the hardest. Love your post 🙂
What an important topic. Well done. Thank you. I definitely need to work on this.
I think as parents we tend to be quite hard on ourselves. Great article 👏
My kids are in their mid-twenties, and I still have regrets from the past. I guess that’s part of learning as a parent. Great advice for us all. Thank you!
I can relate to this. Thanks for the reminder and great post overall.
“Focus on the Lessons, not the mistake.” That has definitely been my mantra since I became a parent. My husband definitely models this perspective about everything. A perfect reminder.
Great tips, thanks for sharing.